29th[and]3rd

It’s mid-afternoon and out of nowhere you check your phone; no missed calls. New emails come in; nothing important. You find yourself wondering what it means if it’s been 22 hours with no follow-up communication. So you open your gchat to ask your girlfriend if you should call or wait it out and it hits you – another squatter has taken up residency in your mental real estate.

What – is that just me?

So this whole concept of mental real estate is one I hadn’t really considered until a girlfriend of mine mentioned it in one of our gchat therapy sessions. Shortly after I read “Why Women Should Stop Caring About What Men Think” over at the singleblackmale.org which basically came down to one main point, “never underestimate the value of your mental and emotional real estate.” Put bluntly this is a basic truth that applies to all aspects of our lives. However, when positioned in the realm of relationships and how much time we as women spend fretting over what he’s thinking, or why he isn’t calling it’s an extremely powerful epiphany inducing statement.

Now being a woman I know we like to pride ourselves on our mental capacity compared to that of the men in our lives. And I’m not even man bashing here – if you read the referenced post, it’s clear men struggle managing multiple priorities at once whereas women are built for it. And while multi-tasking is a notch in my belt it doesn’t mean I want to be wasting that talent on some guy who isn’t thinking about me AT ALL..

For every man you let occupy a piece of mental space at no cost to him and no benefit to you, there is something of far greater value with an exponentially greater ROI that isn’t getting the attention it deserves. So it is with that reality that I have written up a couple of eviction notices of my own.

And the first to go is my ex of now two years! Ridiculous, I know. To be honest he’s only on this list because of principle – whatever that should mean. Regardless I no longer spend my days wishing him harm, begrudging him for his not-so-rare talent of paying no mind whatsoever and complete disregard for others. Sir you had 3 days to vacate the premises 12 months ago. He isn’t the only one, there are a couple of others who need to go to also. Like the guy who disappeared into thin air only to reemerge with a girlfriend whom he impregnated shortly after. Or the one I visited TWICE in another state but has yet to see me under the SoCal sunshine. And most recently, “Back to The Future” – don’t act like you don’t give your guys code names – who urged me to start dating and had the bright idea that he could help me get back out there. He invited me to hang out with him, unexpectedly professed a bunch of pent-up feelings and then never called or texted me after the fact. You sir can hit the road, Good luck Chuck, love/like/interest don’t live here anymore.

The point is not so much that we shouldn’t think of others. It’s that we shouldn’t be wasting time thinking about those who not only don’t think about us but also could care less about whether or not we’re thinking about them at all.

Join me in a loud and clear “Toodle loo to you!”

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Are you providing mental housing to those who don’t really care to have it? Why do you think it’s always the woman worrying about what he’s doing, where he’s at, why he isn’t right here right now? Is there good reasoning behind a mans inability to balance all that is life? Share your thoughts below in the comments!